Three Ways to a Fly and Free Closet
2021 has me reflective AF. I’m digging into the details of my life— the people, the things, the spaces—and figuring out whether or not they bring me real joy.
Since my mom died in January of last year, I’ve been really focused on what brings value to a life and what drains it. More than ever I’ve realized that life is too short to have sh*t in your life that doesn’t light you up.
I figured the best place to start this personal inventory was my collection of prized possessions: my closet. Anyone who has ever known me at any point in my life knows that my closet is and has always been stacked. No I don’t have a million designer pieces— girl please, I grew up po’. I have always had an eye for style and a love all things fashion, and have used clothes, accessories, and beauty over the years to express my flyest self.
I take after my momma, Iris, who I remember from a young age always having a closet full of boots, scarves, dresses, blazers, velvet, leather, lace, and floral heavenly beauties she would sashay down the runway of her life day in and day out.
Some of my favorite memories with my mom involved talking about clothes, putting together outfits and looks, or sharing fun pieces we’d found online or at a local boutique. We’d dish on the latest hair care products we thought were bomb and ask each other which products helped keep our skin from drying or helped soothe our puffy eyes. It was always more than stuff for us- it was a way for us to connect over the beautiful things in life. We could appreciate both the breathtaking summer sunset and a gorgeous pair of cobalt blue Stuart Weitzman boots, with righteous and rightful reverence.
After my mom passed away, I inherited most of her closet- her coveted collection of Louis Vuitton, Michael Kors, Coach, and Tory Burch (among other designer) bags, shoes, cardigans, shawls, and accessories. I should’ve been thrilled. Instead, when I first received her box of belongings, I could barely go through it without bursting into “the mean reds.”
None of this was helpful given that I lived and currently live in Brooklyn, where there is no garage, attic, or random alcove in my home for extra storage. Up until last December, my husband Nick and I were sharing a tiny <500 sq ft studio in Bushwick. We did not have the space to harbor all of my unprocessed grief or my burgeoning closet. Alas, we pretty much slept on top of it until the end of last year.
Now with a new year and a new space, I’ve been able to look at things with a fresh pair of eyes. I’ve realized that keeping all of her stuff won’t bring her back.
Though her sweaters still have her perfume and some of her sandals still have the footprints of her toes from their last wear, they-are-not-her… and keeping them won’t bring her back.
Hefty task ahead, I had no idea where or how to start. Though I’m a pretty organized, type-A gal, this was above my pay grade. Thankfully, The Powers Above heed your call when you need it most: within the week, inspiration came streaming from Marie Kondo and “The Minimalist: Less Is Now” on Netflix.
After watching the documentary and some episodes from the series, I realized that clearing through my closet would help me with more than just a crowded closet—it could help me work through my grief. I could both process and let go at the same time. I could hold on to the things that truly brought me joy, were useful, and reminded me of my mom. I could also let go of those things that I didn’t need while blessing my friends and those outside of my community. And what a better way to honor her generous legacy than by passing on her blessings to others?
The truth was that a lot of her things, no matter how arbitrary, held too much sentimental value for me to be objective about right away. But with some time, perspective, and a little self-reflection, I was able to organize and clear out my closet to make way for the fly blessings and fierce blouses of the future.
I decided to share my closet cleansing process, in which I go through my mom’s (and some of my) clothing, shoes, and accessories to keep only that which is necessary, useful, and joyful. I call it the:
Three Ways to a Fly and Free Closet
Reflect
Pile & Pass
Process
Step 1: Reflect
My first step was to go through everything I owned and reflect on which items in my closet were truly useful or not. I would then separate them into which pieces I would keep and which I would move on or part with in any way. In order to decide which items went where, I picked up each scarf, cardigan, boot, and chain and ask myself the following questions:
Do I wear this?
Do I feel FU*KING FLY in this?
Will I miss it?
Do I wear this?
Had I worn this in the last year? Well ok I wore mostly leggings and oversized tunics or sweaters all 2020…but 2019, did it see the light of day? If that’s a nerp, it’s a nerp. Let it go.
Since I had never really worn a lot of my mom’s pieces, I asked myself if I would honestly wear them this upcoming year. Though it’s not as precise, it helped me let go of a few pieces I knew for a fact would just sit collecting dust for sentimental reasons.
Do I feel fu*king fly in this?
For this question, you may have to put on the item of clothing or accessory before being able to answer it. I put on the boots, the jeans, and the blouses, checked myself out in the mirror and asked “Hey mama, how you doing? You looking good and feeling fly?” If I felt like my reflection responded with a riotous “YAS BITCH,” I kept it. Anything “meh,” moved on.
Does it fit? Are these the jeans I’m hoping to maybe fit into and it’s been a minute? Did these used to fit and now don’t? ELSA THAT SH**—Let it go! You should only keep things where you 100% feel amazing in them now. Period. YES I SAID IT.
As someone who has struggled with weight and body image most my life (like most women in society, *cough*) this was something that I knew PERSONALLY. I’d buy the dress that was just a touch too small, in the “right” size. I’d promise myself I’d work out and starve myself until I was good enough to fit into it. More often than not, though, the dress would just hang in my closet and collect dust and despair.
Let me say this in my Dominican, big girl voice:
CLOTHES are meant to fit you, not the other way around.
Stop torturing yourself. Dress for who you are today and make HER the flyest she can be. PERIODT.
Will I miss it?
This is a biggie. If this piece were gone tomorrow, would I even know? If the answer is no, honey LET IT GO. Make room and space for pieces that inspire you and make you come alive. If you can’t even remember you have it, maybe you’re better off without it.
Lather. rinse. repeat with EACH item of clothing and accessories. This will take a bit so budget some time and wine.
Step 2: Pile & Pass
The hardest part of the process is over- Congrats! Woo! Took a couple bottles of Cab but we are in business! Now that I had decided which clothes I would keep, I put each of those pieces away to avoid excessive clutter (honey nobody wants that hot mess express).
Next, I took the rest of the items and organized them into four piles:
Friends
Donate
Fix
Rags
The pieces I wanted my friends to go through, I put in the “Friends” pile. I love to give my friends first dibs on any of my things and this closet purge was no exception. I was able to pass on some of my mom’s favorite designer bags, jewelry, and accessories to some of my close friends. It felt amazing to know that these pieces could live another life of adventure in the crook of a new arm.
Next, I decided to donate pretty much everything else that was usable to my local Goodwill or non profit charity. I used to toss clothing in the garbage which was SO BAD (seriously don’t do it). I now try everything in my power to donate anything that is still in decent condition and avoid throwing away clothes as much as possible.
One of the fun things about living in my neighborhood in Brooklyn is that the people in your community will often help take anything off your hands that has a “Free” sign on it. It’s legit stoop-side service.
Clothes that are torn or in need of mending I placed in the “fix” pile and calendared times when I would take the clothes to the local tailor or go on a sock sowing adventure. I’m not the best seamstress (FAR from it), but I have helped extend the life a of few of my favorite Urban Outfitters’ socks.
The pieces that were beyond repair became rags. These became super useful for cleaning and could serve as an alternative to using paper towels everyday. Just rip them up and store them in reusable bags, taking them out as needed! In full transparency, this is a fairly new practice I’ve looked into starting in hopes of cutting down on my waste.
I’ve also seen other people turn their torn and tattered threads into art and DIY projects. Though it’s not something I’m a pro at, I’m totally into the idea of squeezing just a little more usefulness out of these pieces. It helps us and the environment to get a bit creative at times.
Once you have sorted your piles, time to pass on your items to their next leg of their life. Have a friend clothing swap or meet your girls/guys/loves for brunch to give ‘em momma’s MKs. Donate your goodies to the charity or nonprofit of your choice. Sow your holey socks. Take your jeans to the tailor for the broken zipper. Turn your old sorority tee into your a cleaning machine. Clear the space in your closet and bless those around you some new for them fabulousness.
Step 3: Process
The last step was my favorite. After you have passed on the items in your life that no longer are of use or bring you joy, go through and look at everything you do have. Run your fingers through your cloth of your clothes, take in every color, pattern…or lack there of. Is this closet you? What things are you so grateful to have that are already hanging right here?
Let it fill you up with a smile to know that every single thing in there has a purpose and makes you look and feel good. Use this as your moment of gratitude to thank The Powers Above that you’re so abundant and lucky enough to bless others by letting go.
Try this out with your closet and let me know how it goes in the comments.
Inspired? Have you recently done a closet cleaning? What things did you pass on to make space in your closet and your life? Share it all with me below!
As always, sending you love and light.
Fly.
Xo,
Mairys